Interview with Nephlite

Here I am again with another interview. My last couple of interviews have gone askew (yes, I actually used that word). I'm still dizzy from the last one. You might wonder how I got away from Lita. I actually don't know since I blacked out, but I got away and that's the important thing. This time I'm interviewing one of the generals from the Negaverse: Nephlite. I was going to interview the Doom & Gloom Girls for my next interview, but considering how my previous interviews have gone, that would be about as safe as sticking my tongue in a light socket. Instead, I'll be interviewing Amy (a.k.a. Sailor Mercury). It should be interesting. Well, on with the interview.


D: (checking watch) He's got two minutes before I leave.

N: (Nephlite comes screeching down street in Ferrari, nearly hitting three
   people, then takes up two parking spots) (bursts through door) Hey! I'm
   here!

D: Geeze! You drive as bad as I do!

N: What do you expect, I got my license from the Negaverse.

D: Oh, that explains it. I like your car.

N: Sure beats that piece of junk you drive.

D: (defensively): Hey, my car rules. Just because it's 22 years old,
   doesn't mean it's a bucket of bolts.

N: Yeah? So what makes your car so great?

D: It's twenty feet long, baby blue and sounds like a tractor. That seems
   pretty cool to me.

N: Yeah, sure kid, whatever.

D: Hey, at least I can park!

N: I think I parked fairly well.

D: You see those parking meters, you're supposed to put money in them for
   parking, not park on top of them!

N: Oh... oops.

D: How did you get the funding for that car anyway?

N: Easy, I just ask Queen Beryl for funding for transportation, she gives
   me a blank check and there you go.

D: So, that's how you got the mansion too?

N: I needed a little base for my operation.

D: How did you come up with this system?

N: By closely studying United States senators.

D: So what's up with you and Molly?

N: She taught me about love & friendship.

D: Don't you think she's a little young for you? I mean, she's only 14.

N: Er... Ah... I don't think true love can be bound by age.

D: (mumbles to self: sounds like a pervert's answer to me) I'm not too sure
   about that.

N: Haven't you ever met anyone you thought was right?

D: Yeah, I guess.

N: So, what happened?

D: She put me in the choke-hold until I passed out.

N: She must like you. In the Negaverse, that could be considered courtship.

D: ??? (changing subject) Hey, can you show me how the stars consulting
   thing works?

N: Sure... I call upon the guidance of the stars (fancy projection of stars
   and orbitals appears).

D: Cool! Can you get satellite TV with that?

N: Yeah, but it's scrambled. So, what would you like to see?

D: I want to know who really shot JFK.

N: The stars know everything - show us who shot former president Kennedy.
   (The stars do a little ditty.) (After a moment)... there you go.

D: There must be some mistake.

N: Nope, the stars are always correct. That's who shot JFK.

D: But that's a picture of Elvis!

N: Then Elvis shot JFK.

D: But that's the fat Elvis! That's impossible! Kennedy was already shot by
   then!

N: The aliens who kidnapped him are probably capable of time travel. Could
   we continue?

D: Say, how come you never asked the stars how to get rid of Sailor Moon,
   or who she really is?

N: (slaps himself on the forehead) Stars, show me who Sailor Mo...

D: Hey, wait. Do the stars always give you an answer?

N: (impatiently) Yes, they have to. Stars, show me who Sailor Mo...

D: Wait! I want to ask one more question.

N: (angry) Alright, one more question.

D: Stars, tell me how I can get a date with Lita. (Stars do a little ditty.)

N: AIEE! Even the stars can't tell you!

D: The stars don't know? I thought they had to tell you!

N: Yes, they do, but...

D: Hey! Are there supposed to be sparks flying everywhere?

N: It's going to blow! Run!

D: (Building evacuates. Interviewer, anticipating Nephlite will be quite
   angry, jumps in car.) (Yelling out car window) Thanks for the interview!

N: Hey! Come back here so I can beat the crap out of you!

D: Maybe next time (screeches tires).

N: Ha! You can't outrun my car in that thing... Hey! Where's my car?!!

Next time I will be interviewing Sailor Mercury.