Okay, so I'm with my woman one day and I'm like. "Blaaah. I'm gonna die. I need coffee". Then she says, "Don't be sad! Do the Care Bear Countdown!". She sings what I'm only guessing is the Carebear theme which ends with.
5.4.3.2.1.. STARE!
I've never seen the carebears so this strikes me as odd. I mean where in the hell did "stare" come from? I mean maybe "care" or "share"? I don't know. So I ask her if she's sure it's 'stare'? She says she's pretty sure, but not positive. Some things just end up being brought back up at weird times. I guess it's just one of those quirks in a relationship. For us one of those is 80's cartoons. Actually the one that gets brought up the most is Jem. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. What kind of a guy watches Jem? That's a GIRLS cartoon! Yeah it is but I'm a kid right. Cartoon prime time on weekdays starts at like 12 or 1pm. (11 if you watch the Mysterious Cities of Gold on Nickelodeon too.). There's one okay cartoon, then like a dead space between the REAL cartoons: G.I. Joe and Transformers. One summer there was NOTHING in the dead space, except Jem of all things, right before G.I. Joe. So I watched a few episodes of Jem yes. Damn if I can remember much about it but yeah I did watch it.
That's the thing that I bring up is that if you could bag a chick with multiple personalities, it would be kinda like boning Jem. You think Hollywood can come up with weird stuff? Seriously man, they ain't got nothing on Jem. I mean this dude has an affair with another chick... that's actually the SAME FREAKING CHICK! It's a love triangle with only two people?! Jessica turns into Jem to perform, and then Jessica's boyfriend is into both of them but doesn't know they're the same person. A girl who runs an orphanage is okay with this? What's up with that? So yeah, Hollywood can make lame remakes about shit like King Kong, but the real gold is Jem... but of course I can only imagine how much that would suck.
OOOkay, so back to the bears. How can carebears stare? Makes no sense. So I remember it and look it up on Google. Yeah, funny thing about the information age, you can find tons and tons of garbage with half answers. See I find the lyrics just fine, but none of them have the WORD after the countdown. Strange that I can find articles about people dressing up like carebears and harassing goths, but I can't find the last word. I'm sure there is a word because she wouldn't just make it up. I mean cartoon themes like that BURN in your brain when you are a kid. I haven't heard the He-man theme in a zillion years and I can probably play it perfectly in my head. So I dig and dig then I find it.
Care bears do stare.
WHAT? I'm puzzled here. I mean this makes no sense. Sure people did a lot of coke in the 80's but that doesn't even make sense as a marketing gimmick - which is what all 80's cartoons were really about. I mean if you came up with a concept like the carebears, where would the concept of staring even fit in? When I think of stares, you know what I think of. Village of the Dammed.
When I was a kid I watched TV all the time. Freddy Kruger? Whatever. Friday the 13th? *Yawn*. Then I saw HALF of village of the dammed and they scared the living hell out of me. I mean I was so scared I ran up to my room and hid under my blanket for an hour. And this was at 1pm on a Saturday afternoon. Now what do these hellspawn kids and carebear have in common? They both stare. Does that make sense? No it does not.
So I dig and dig not wanting to read too far into the whole carebears concept and eventually find out that the carebears "stare" to burn out the evil in people, kinda like if Superman were a Baptist Minister I guess. Actually I'm not even sure it's a stare because it seems like the care bears sort of irradiate evil people by shooting lasers from their chest tattoos or something. Bears that talk and all are different colors that shoot light from their tattoos. Sounds like LSD to me.
Well so there you have it, carebears do stare. I could learn more about it but I don't think I want to know. I mean 80's cartoons just seem weirder and weirder the more I think about it. I guess I can sympathize with my mom claiming that TV would rot my brain. I mean what the hell am I learning from this stuff. And the Village of the Dammed? Yeah those kids still scare the bejesus out of me.